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i.
I have an author inspired email of putting my last name first: zannettis.michael@gmail.com
i.
I have an author inspired email of putting my last name first: zannettis.michael@gmail.com
I would have gone with a pirate-inspired-email, but from what I understand email wasn't invented yet in the 1600-1800's, nor was their any wireless connection in the mid-Atlantic. If there was, Starbucks would have charged 8 Dubloons an hour for access.
ii.
If you'd like to add me on MySpace, which I use as a clearinghouse for my writing: myspace.com/zannettis
Yes, I am 99 years old.
But I'm telling you from now: I do not want to check out your webcam.
iii.
I am non-denominational, ordained Reverend (no, for real, I am) who is available for hire to perform:
- Marriages;
- Baptisms;
- Funerals;
- and other sacraments.
iv.
I am also a "writer" of some sort, who is for hire to write speeches or other public presentations under these general categories:
-Best Man Toasts
-Wedding Vows
-Corporate Presentations (especially if you're going for tongue-in-cheek humor to subtly insult your boss)
-Award Ceremonies
-Eulogies
-Retirement Parties
-Roasts
-Magazine Features
-Screenplay consulting
-Take Home Essays
-Etc.
v.
If you are emailing in regards to:
…employing me as a Reverend, please include: 1) a number you can reached at; 2) the date of the service and its location. (Anything that is not reachable by subway would require travel arrangements to be factored in.)
…contracting me to write, please include: 1) the deadline; 2) a number you can be reached at.
…any questions, comments, or concerns, about the content of this website, or my upcoming book, please include: 1) your name; 2) the city you are from.
…a marriage proposal, please include: 1) pictures, in color whenever possible; 2) a resume of your cooking talents. I am partial to the following cuisine: Thai, Mexican, Greek, Italian, and god-damn do I love perogies. Any baking/dessert talent is a plus. (No dishwashing experience necessary as I've come to like doing them myself. I get a Zen satisfaction of alternating brillo with sponge underneath a lukewarm tap—wax on, wax off, wax on, wax off, and repeat.)
…for advice, please note that to deal with any personal problem I prescribe alcohol and consensual adult sexual intercourse. But I will tell you straight up, that if you email me to ask what you should do about your boyfriend lying to you all the time, I will really tell you the truth: "Get a new boyfriend." |
