To Spitzer Or Not To Spitzer

email Michael Z.    email this story    print RSS
Back when Humphrey Bogart was Humphry Effin' Bogart he bore a proclivity to, how do we put this, “horde women.” Not that he'd stack them in his apple shed, but more that he'd "date" any woman that was around, Charlie Sheen-esque—if Sheen actually took the women he slept with out on dates.

Bogart's reputation for his female appetite spread to such a degree that his last name became a verb. “To bogart” didn't mean to be a great actor, or to be a luminous celebrity. To bogart came to mean, to horde the women.

As in, "Hey pal, quit bogarting all the dames."

Turning one's last name into a verb is no small feat. There are several rungs in the process, and Bogart traversed them all.  

Now that the then-governor of New York has been caught by a federal wiretap buying retail vagina, it begs the question, will "to spitzer" make its way into the Oxford English Dictionary?


Pull A Ramses

The lowest level of name-verbing is the phrase to "pull a NAME."

Technically, the name, in this case isn't even a verb. "Pull" is the verb. This is low level because most everyone has some idiosyncratic behavior associated with their name or person.

For instance, my friend Ramses had a tendency to have his way with women in the beds of his friends.

So let's say if any of our friends would sleep with women in other people's beds, we would say they "pulled a Ramses."

Another example is this guy, we'll call him, "Notmi," who once slept with a girl, at a party, in the bed of another girl, who he had already slept with. Now, it was sort of coded, "pulling a Notmi," if someone did the same thing, but this was such a rare event that the consequence meant to "pull a Notmi," never struck again.

Hence, an ancillary rule of name-verbing: The behavior has to be common enough to be used semi-regularly—or conversely, at least insane enough to be talked about on a semi-regular basis.



Charlie Sheen-esque

It is a well advertised fact, by an authority no less credible than Charlie Sheen himself, that Charlie Sheen enjoys the company of whores.

I don't mean “whores” in the colloquial sense that we might casually attach that label on sorority girls or cheerleaders. In this case, "whore" is used as the technical definition of a woman who rents out her vagina.

Sheen's preference for whores and, in fact, for whores in bountiful numbers—he once quipped that he always gets two so that they'd have someone to talk to when he passes out—has not, however, translated to the Sheen name becoming a verb.

To sheen, v., to fall unconscious due to drug abuse in presence of two or more prostitutes.

In terms of name-verbing, Sheen comes up short.


To Spitzer

So what are the chances that Spitzer will enter the lexicon as a legitimate verb? Rather unlikely, probably.

It doesn't necessarily have to happen in the first week the news breaks, to have to happen at all, but as the story begins to lose steam, and he fades into the background of American culture, it becomes more and more  unlikely that it'll happen.

Spitzer is independently wealthy. He practices law, and up until his alter-ego Client 9 was exposed to the public, a burgeoning political career seemed likely. That's over for him now. He will never be elected to public office again—not even as treasurer of a school board, or perhaps, especially not as treasurer of a school board.

And it's unlikely he'll practice law at the lower levels after he's tasted the rarified air of attorney general.

He is not in need of money. There doesn't seem to be a second act for him. No appearances on The Surreal Life to jumpstart a personal appearances career. It's a distinct possibility--though not a certainty--that we've heard the last of Spitzer.

And that though Spitzer spitzered his career, another politician caught in the same situation might have a new headline written for them.

At the most, all they’ll say is that Politician Numbnuts “pulled a Spitzer.” And probably nothing more.

Related Links
Is Frack a Word?

The Hierarchy of Names Men Call Women



Reader Comments
post comment

©Copyright 2006-2007 Michael Zannettis All Rights Reserved

Site was designed and created by LucidFish
www.lucidfish.com