Lost in Translation
There are about two hundred people in my backyard busily tapping out two kegs. Out of nowhere I run into a couple of my Japanese exchange students, Astro-boy and Bonzai. There's not much going on—it’s a post office party, all full of mail—so we're tapping the keg and reviewing English slang.
Astro-boy: What does it mean when you say you hook-up with a girl?
Me: It could mean anything between the extremes of passionate kissing and sexual intercourse, but is usually used to refer to something in between, like oral sex.
Astro-boy: What would you tell your friends if you slept with a girl? Would you say you hit a home run?
Me: You would have ten years ago.
Bonzi: Do you say you scored?
Me: Scored, got laid, crushed, or any word in the English language while doing this with your eyebrows. (I did that thing with my eyebrows.)
Astro-boy and Bonzai giggle.
Bonzai: What if all you did with a girl is kiss her?
Me: Ummm...I don't really know. I guess you just say you kiss her.
Astro-boy: Don't you say you go to the first base?
Me: You would have...ten years ago...when I was in the seventh grade.
I also explained to them the social significance of phrases like "hollaback girl", "gold-digga", and "sloppy seconds." Then, to properly describe the party we were at, they learned: "Sausage-fest". As the night wore on it became my mission to get them laid, so every girl that passed by (all four of them), I interrupted.
Me: Excuse me, can I borrow you for a second?
Girl: Sure.
Me: Hi, I'd just like you to meet these two gentlemen. They've come all the way from Japan to meet a girl like you.
Girl: Really?
Me: They’re a little shy because they’re new around here.
Girl: Oh, that’s too bad.
Me: Would you like to meet them?
Girl: No.
Me: Thank you for your time.
And the last image is of her walking away, holding her red cup in the air so she won’t spill it against another guest.
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