She-Devil, an international Korean student studying business in America, and I go out to dinner then end up back at my place to listen to Jack Johnson. For some reason she likes Track #2, so she rewinds it four times in a row. She's not quite sure what the word "metaphor" means, and it's a pretty important theme of the lyrics, so I try to explain.
Now, I'm a writer, so I should be able to explain "metaphor" except I have to do it to someone who has only a nominal grasp of the English language. It's like squeezing water from a rock, which is more of a simile than a metaphor.
A metaphor carries an idea. That’s the literal Greek root of the word, but lost in translation is not even beginning to explain the problem.
I get frustrated so I call her a "punk", which she thinks is someone that plays guitar.
Me: No, it's someone that doesn't respect authority.
She-Devil: Is authority another form of sorority?
Me: What?
She-Devil: Like fraternity?
Me: Um...no...authority means someone with power.
She-Devil: Not like sorority?
Me: Um...no.
She gets frustrated so she asks if I could tell her a joke.
Me: Knock, knock.
She-Devil: Knock, knock.
Me: No, when I say Knock, Knock, you say who's there?
She-Devil: Knock, knock.
Me: No, I say Knock, Knock. Knock, knock.
She: Who's there?
Me: Banana.
She: That's not funny.
Me: The joke isn't over. When I say Banana you have to say, Banana who? Knock knock.
She: Who's there?
Me: Banana.
She: Banana who?
Me: Banana.
She: That's not funny.
Me: No, you have to keep going. Say banana who again. Knock, knock.
She: Who's there?
Me: Banana.
She: Banana who?
Me: Banana.
She: Banana who?
Me: Banana.
She: Banana who?
Me: Orange.
She: Banana who?
Me: No, when I say orange, you have to say Orange who?
She: Orange who?
Me: Orange you glad I didn't say banana.
She: Orange I didn't say banana who?
Me: No, that was the joke. That was the end.
She: Orange I not a banana?
Me: No, Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
She: Why can't you say Grape?
Me: What?
She: Grape you glad I didn't say banana.
Me: No, the joke is, Orange sounds like Aren't. Orange you, Aren't you. Orange you, Aren't you. Aren't you glad I didn't say banana. Orange you glad I didn't say banana. Get it?
She: That's not funny.
Me: It's not supposed to be. It's a knock-knock joke.
She: Why are some jokes not supposed to be funny?
I actually gave up on this conversation when she asked me if we could substitute orange with grape.
Now She-Devil gets a bad rap for her poor English, but as someone who used to deal with a lot of international Asisan females, she's actually not that bad. What most of them do is, when you talk, they nod, smile and giggle politely. Of course, they have no idea what you said. That's beside the point, their goal is to be polite.
But She-Devil's goal is to understand English, a much more difficult task. And since she insists on understanding everything she hears, it seems like her English is much worse and hasn't improved in two years. But it has. Really, two years ago she couldn't even pronounce her own name. Now she almost understands a knock-knock joke.
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